#TAP10 Crumby Ways To Die In A Video Game

For all you gamers out there, when it comes to dominating noobs like a unrefined long-armed gorilla in the Serengeti of savagery and barbarism, there is nothing like it. You enjoy disciplining enemies by giving them love taps on their unschooled tushies with an RPG, or a roundhouse kick to the head, or a fanciful combo move that has them flopping through the air like a rag doll.

And you enjoy every minute of it. But alas, you’ll inevitably have one of those sucky game days where you’re not focused or on point, and you end up suffering big time. Especially your ego. Because in this #TAP10 list, we highlight the top 10 crumbiest ways to die in a video game, whether you are into your FPS, platform games, MMO’s or beat ’em ups:
 
10.) WATER LUNG: Die drowning
Who remembers Tommy Vercetti? He’s the sole person responsible for the murder, theft and mayhem of everyone in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. He’s killed cops, innocent bystanders, security guards and gang members, and even took on the FBI and the military. He could drive ice cream trucks to sell dope, fly military helicopters and operate a tank. But by the grey beard of Zeus, splash a little water on the guy and his health will wither away to zero. Of course Grand Theft Auto and other games have come a long way since Vice City, and characters don’t drown at the first sight of water. But even games where you can go swimming, if you for some reason get to deep and try to make your way back to the surface with limited oxygen, you’ll find yourself inhaling Oxygen with the added Hydrogen which equals to a whole lot of dead.
 
9.) KNOW THE LEDGE: Die falling off a ledge
You’re a dangerous guy. You take risks. Live life precariously on the edge, balancing a live grenade in one hand and a RPG in the other. Or you’re running through a platform game like Mario or Sonic, powering through enemies and making death-defying leaps from one high rise to another. Then something stupid happens. You. And your poor jumping. You’ve cleared this obstacle many times. Knowing full well what would happen if you fell over the side in that Call Of Duty map. You jump too early in Super Mario Bros. Or too late. Or you just walk off the ledge. Literally plummeting 6 feet to your death. However it happens, just face it. You got killed by game gravity. You took out a whole terror cell with a combat tomahawk and a pistol. But in the end, Physics G-checked you and you folded like a lawn chair. Poor.
 

8.) TO SUICIDE ONESELF: Killing oneself by accident
Full-auto assault rifle with extra magazine? Check. Kitted out with the ACOG scope, vests, perks and the rest? Check. Self-suicide apparatus? Ch– What now? Yeah, your self-suicider. Usually an improper operation of a RPG or explosive of some kind. So while you were charged up by the stirring words of your general going into war, you’re failure to operate your equipment has you committing suicide unwittingly. You launch a RPG to kill an enemy who is only a few yards in front of you. Or you cook your grenade and forget how long you should start counting before tossing it. All in all, you make a dumb mistake that has you whittling your health meter down to 0. It still hurts despite video games’ Buddhist-zen approach to life with their restart-respawn philosophy.
 
7.) AI KILLER: Killed by your environment.
In video games, particularly open world ones like your Grand Theft Autos and Dying Lights, a simple walk down the street could get you killed. Social commentary of our ever growing cosmopolitan crime issue? Maybe. But when you try getting in your car and a random shootout ends up putting you in the crossfire, then it becomes a problem. Defend yourself and you get the police plugging you full of holes. Or it may be even more random than that. In GTA V, I had a random police car run me over to death in pursuit of another AI criminal. I was casually walking across the street looking for some health. And I was playing as Franklin. So that’s how that feels.

Random muggings, hit-and-runs, getting caught in a dangerous part of a FPS map where a tank explodes, or being burnt alive by the exhaust of a launching space rocket. Dragons, wild cats, orcs, beasts, elephants, sharks… pretty much any wild thing you can think of on the Discovery Channel or a Dungeons and Dragons’ board game. Essentially, being killed by AI is usually pointless, random acts of game karma that no one really deserves, ever.
 
6.) “WHAT’S RELOAD?”: Killed while working out your controls
When you try to find your bearings in a game, especially in an online session, any hesitation is paramount to looking down the barrel of a loaded revolver and pulling the trigger to see if your gun still works. You’re in a really intense fight but forgot what is block or the sequence of buttons to press for that combo you loved to do. Or you’ve made the migration from Xbox to Playstation and in your FPS game you make the mistake of pressing the R2 button to shoot and all you end up doing is throwing a live grenade at your feet.
Or that rare moment where your controller goes dead because you were too lazy during those other game sessions to plug it in to charge.
So, now some A-grade A-hole has come at this opportune moment when your guard is down to take advantage. But you don’t notice because you are having problems pressing × to climb up to a higher level only to have you character jump repeatedly, grinding his stupid knees and pelvis sexually against the surface you’re trying to mount. Not a good look, homey.
 
5.) DRY FIRE: Killed with no means of Defence
Sometimes when your so good, running across various pixel planes and worlds, you’ve spent more ammo and skill than any US Army recruit ever. So when you come up at that crucial juncture between survival and the means to procure it, it’s a pretty good incentive to have a means to protect yourself. A gun, shield, bulletproof vest, powers, all necessary in defence against all game baddies. But there’s sometimes comes that awful point in gameplay which we like to call checkpoint limbo. Example: I remembered playing God Of War on the hardest setting there was. But then I had to fight around three of those bephomet abominations in Hades. I couldn’t go forward in the game as my health sucked and nothing by means of magic metre for those special attacks and having weapons just not good enough to cut the cheese. And to go back and restart the mission from a previous checkpoint was just too tedious a task. And what followed was my death on a loop. Something similar happened to me in Halo, armed with only a goddam pistol while dealing with enemies with Needlers flanking me from all angles. In the end, when you’re tapped out in the defence and offence department, your just a cursor that brought a punch to an assault rifle fight.
 
4.) SNEAK ATTACK: Killed by a stealthy enemy
I have a dog that is the sweetest dog you could ever love. Friendly with people. Everyone. But make the mistake of somehow sneaking up on her somehow without her becoming aware of your presence, then she’ll start growling. No one likes rear surprises *phrasing*. Surprise us in the face and at least we can say we saw it coming, even if it was briefly. But it’s just not cool to be playing a game, having everything go relatively good, just for you to be knifed in the back by some Freddy Krueger-sadist. Or have some alien Alien attack you from the blindside, or some sheer monstrosity lunge at you from the dark. That’s when games just don’t feel fun anymore. But if you can sneak attack someone, do it. It’s absolutely loads of delight.
 
3.) ALPHA ROLE-REVERSAL: Killed by an inferior
Getting owned in a game is never a pleasant experience. Avid / casual gamers to the pros make the mistake now and again of underestimating a player, and it is that arrogance that leaves quite the bitter taste when you get schooled by a newbie. You have an assault rifle and clips up the wazoo. By all stretches of the imagination you should be king of the dirt pile. But you get taken out by an Australian kid armed with a .38 and a combat knife. How’s that for defying the natural law of things? I know the role-reversal thing maybe a lot of fun in the bedroom, but in video games, it is no fun at all being dominated by a lesser.
 

2.) YOUR WEAKEST LINK: Killed by the sheer stupidity of others
Usually in you team-based / multiplayer games, you are only as smart as your weakest link. It’s about the only reason I ever curse aloud when playing COD Zombies. But still there will always be that stupid guy that touches what he isn’t supposed to touch, or block your path and get you killed in the process. Good help is hard to find even in pixels.

 
1.) “YOU THIRSTY BRO”: Killed just short of your goal
It is bound to happen. Whatever game it is. In a beat ’em up like Mortal Kombat X or in a really tough mission of a first / third person shooter. You are moving desperately towards that holy checkpoint, or picking up a much-needed special weapon or ability.

Things have been going quite well. You expect it to continue. The light at the end of the proverbial tunnel is what you stride towards. And just as you are about to execute that final stroke of genius, you get cut down. Hard. Uglily. That fighter’s health bar you pummelled near to death, well he comes back and absolutely obliterates you with a devistating combo. You’re trying to get that care package or that much needed weapon when you’re out of ammo, but as soon as you almost succeed, you get an assault rifle shoved in your mouth via way of your ass.
 
Dying can’t be fun. But at least in pixel land you’ll have another chance to get things right. So if you’re the type to complain about not getting enough XP on a mission, just remember things could be a lot worse. Something that’s just about translatable to real life.

But if that doesn’t comfort you, this will:

Can you think any worse ways to kick the proverbial pixel bucket in a video game. Tell us in the comments below.